tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84452410154992837192024-03-05T13:07:05.782-08:00u cant make this shit upa husband and a wife talk about their livesWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-11037164785934090852007-07-02T10:53:00.000-07:002007-07-02T10:56:16.882-07:00Ball Warmers<strong>Hubby:</strong> Who keeps opening that damn window in the bathroom?<br /><strong>Wife:</strong> Not me, I can't reach!<br /><strong>Hubby:</strong> I'm froze.<br /><strong>Wife:</strong> Put on a sweater.<br /><strong>Hubby:</strong> My balls are froze.<br /><strong>Wife:</strong> Put on a sweater.<br /><strong>Hubby:</strong> I said my balls are cold.<br /><strong>Wife:</strong> (laughing) Put on a sweater. Haul your turtle neck up.<br /><em><br />(still laughing)</em>Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-34421330339455392352007-06-19T16:04:00.000-07:002007-06-19T16:12:32.572-07:00Donnie Wahlberg<strong>Wife: </strong>Most guys get better looking with age. Donnie Wahlberg isn't one of those guys.<br /><strong>Husband:</strong> You love Donnie Wahlberg.<br /><strong>Wife:</strong> I liked Donnie Wahlberg when he was in New Kids on the Block. That was 20 years ago.<br /><strong>Husband: </strong>You loved him. You wanted to marry him. You knew every song he sang. You lalalalalala loved him.<br /><br /><em>I hate when he's right! Damn</em>Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-15740811636722568082007-06-10T19:17:00.000-07:002007-06-10T19:21:50.867-07:00True LoveWe saw this old couple walking down the street earlier today and my hubby commented about how we would probably be them in about 50 years.<br /><br /><strong>Husband:</strong> Have you seen my teeth?<br /><strong>Wife: </strong>Yah, they are in your mouth.<br /><strong>Husband: </strong>Where are your teeth then?<br /><strong>Wife:</strong> They are in your mouth too.<br /><strong>Husband:</strong> I wondered why this chicken didn't have any meat.<br /><br />Yup, it's true love!!Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-87363715825777612682007-04-15T19:24:00.000-07:002007-04-15T19:29:33.340-07:00Fancy dinner and baby wipesThe hubby and I went out for dinner and I thought the table was just a tad bit sticky. I would have asked the waitress to wipe it off but she was no where in sight.<br />I opened up my purse and in a little baggie I have 6 or 7 baby wipes. I don't know why I carry them but I always feel safe and prepared.<br /><br />My husband declared just before our drinks were brought to the table; "You're just like a boy scout except you don't have a penis."<br /><br />It's sometimes difficult to know if it was a compliment or a mock but my table was clean and that is all that matters!Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-82889635131674026062007-03-26T11:01:00.000-07:002007-03-26T11:05:22.199-07:00Fergalicious<strong>Husband:</strong> Your new name is Titilicious.<br /><strong>Wife: </strong>Umm okay, is this going to be a private or a public name?Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-68068950193146463372007-03-21T19:05:00.000-07:002007-03-21T19:07:29.048-07:00He says the sweetest things<strong>Husband:</strong> "Even if you were brain damaged, I'd still want to do yah."<br /><br /><em>He really knows how to sweep a girl off her feet.</em>Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-64547827078865772742007-03-19T12:16:00.000-07:002007-03-19T12:22:08.817-07:00Goth girlHubby wants to turn our house into a mini castle. He's a little strange but that is why I love him. I love strange boys. During one of our many conversations about said castle, I mentioned that we should make our own seal that we'll put on our letters, invitations, and notes. We were discussing some sort of family crest when I was happy to mention that maybe we should seal it with blood. I thought it was a fun idea. Hubby, did not!!<br /><br /><strong>Husband:</strong> Should I call you Miss Jolie?<br /><strong>Wife: </strong>Jolie?<br /><strong>Husband: </strong>Angela Jolie.<br /><strong>Wife:</strong> Oh, you mean Angelina Jolie!!<br /><strong>Husband: </strong>Angie, Angelina, doesn't matter how you say it, you are both freaks.<br /><br /><em>He loves me, he really loves!!</em>Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-79928775760180836082007-03-13T16:52:00.000-07:002007-03-26T11:08:10.222-07:00Shitting My PantsI'm a shopoholic. Yup, I'm admitting a flaw here. I love to shop and I always overspend. I had two cartloads of groceries picked up earlier. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm expecting a flood, a war, or a snow storm. I was at the check out and as 100 dollars past, then 200 dollars, I started to get a little sick to my stomach. I wasn't even sure how much money was left on my debit card but just before the 300 dollar mark, I ran my card through the debit machine and surprise, surprise, it said <strong>Approved</strong>!!! <em>hallelujah </em><strong>hallelujah</strong><br /><br />I was sweaty, nervous, trying to swallow. Imagine if I was rich? Then again if I had Donald Trump money, there would be no joy at the counter unless of course I was buying major corporations before breakfast. Instead of fainting at the counter, I'd probably shit myself.Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-6286753846571404332007-03-09T11:25:00.000-08:002007-03-09T11:42:16.769-08:00Going PostalThe manager went on her lunch break today at work. She hardly ever takes lunch and works her ass off. I get a little annoyed with her at times but I still really like her. This particular day she isn't feeling well and has been working since 7 am this morning. At the time it was 1:15 in the afternoon. I was by myself packing away phones and accessories and all of a sudden I get swarmed. There are people everywhere whining and bitching and throwing tantrums. The manager comes back and she gets behind her cash, I'm on head cash and there are two lines as long as the eye can see. I try to make a mental note of who happens to be next because there is always a fight. This one lady, I use that term loosely. She was nothing near a lady. She started bitching at me about the 5 minute mark while waiting in line. There are 6 people in front of her and it's always first come first serve. This woman wanted to be served first. She butted in front of everyone, I was trying to make calls, serve a customer and she was complaining about how she was going to call the company and report us. Every minute that passed by she reported it to me and I kept on working as fast as I could. I wanted to serve her so she would go away. The woman I was serving was becoming a problem as well. Finally the manager stepped up in front of me and told the butterinner that she had to be patient and wait her turn in line. The woman shot back at the manager belittling her, me, the company etc. The manager did not back down. I was in shock. Normally this girl trys to make everyone happy. She is always smiling. Today was not one of these days and I swear the fur was flying. I didn't get into the mix because my voice is almost gone due to a cold and sore throat. Damn though, it was awesome!!! I wish I would have had popcorn...Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-27910967054508797312007-03-05T15:22:00.000-08:002007-03-05T15:26:26.506-08:00Hubby and DogHubby came home from work and lay down on the sofa after a hard day of being on his feet and dealing with idiots. Our little dog jumped up on his chest and lay belly up. He rubbed her fat gut, kissed her on the nose and said, "You smell like <a href="http://www.cheetos.com/">Cheetos</a>."<br /><br />Do you think Kevin Federline has had the same experience with Britney Spears?Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-37392048265724990492007-03-04T07:40:00.000-08:002007-03-04T07:55:05.847-08:00Internet FriendsI've been online a long time. I think it was early '97 when I finally set up a webpage and started to make friends and have fun. I chatted for years, was host in a chatroom and joined a few online groups. I met a lady back in '99 whom I am still friends with today. She is the only person who has not wanted more of my time then I could provide. She never made me feel bad, never slammed me because I had a different opinion than her, nothing, nada. <br /><br />I e-mailed another friend I had made a few years ago and I received a reply back this morning. I hit reply right away and wanted to cyber yell at her for being such a bitch and for being misinformed. I hate when people believe shit they know nothing about. I thought she had been my friend. I had not heard from her and thought maybe she had been sick. I wasted my time worrying about her for nothing. There is this one person we had been friends with who happens to be very demanding. If I didn't e-mail her or reply back on a message board quick enough, she'd e-mail all her friends and write things about me. I worked full time at the time. There were weeks when my husband and I both pulled 60-80 hours. I didn't have time to sit here and e-mail her and she knew it. I told everyone I had a job, I bought a new house and I had to work hard to pay for it. <br /><br />To make a long story short, the lady I considered to me by good friend sided with the old bat from England and now, no one likes me. Bitches. The moral of my story, if you e-mail me and want to be my friend, you are shit out of luck. Thanks but no thanks!<br /><br />I hit reply and wrote this long letter about friendship and betrayal however, I did not send it. She doesn't deserve a reply from me. I hope all her teeth fall out and spores and fungus grow in her gums and she coughs up frogs when someone kisses her, see, I'm not a mean bitch. I didn't put a hit out on her.Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-10478515937478867142007-03-01T06:35:00.000-08:002007-03-01T06:51:32.188-08:00Party Planner<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdjV6CUmJXvA-cP4F2jSZ1pyocHwEr7TB2bQS-iplfV5jn6dq7tl9U9ArpzFwzZUB-FMsIqLVnvlHumsQ-UYgy2REF7DvgbsGnxCa97K3eUeGpoSs-g-QYMgWOBlLfH6JZp0mrGHDxUxcu/s1600-h/1money.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdjV6CUmJXvA-cP4F2jSZ1pyocHwEr7TB2bQS-iplfV5jn6dq7tl9U9ArpzFwzZUB-FMsIqLVnvlHumsQ-UYgy2REF7DvgbsGnxCa97K3eUeGpoSs-g-QYMgWOBlLfH6JZp0mrGHDxUxcu/s320/1money.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5036967864670325362" /></a><br />I love planning parties. I have seriously been thinking about going into business and becoming a party planner. I plan parties, I just don't get paid. Paid, yup, that is what I want. Money, you know, the purple, blue and brown stuff. I've planned a kids party for this weekend and I'm even supplying the food. Of course, this weekend is a freebie because it's family but what about the others who are not family. I would like to quit my job and get serious.Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-50334268981518434022007-02-27T15:50:00.000-08:002007-02-27T15:56:17.884-08:00Bloody Mary<blockquote>Our mom says our dad is a real sex machine. - Tina & Rina from Kindergarten Cop</blockquote><br /><br />Hubby stopped by the mall earlier as I was getting off work. We talked for a few minutes and said goodbye. Hubby walked back towards me, smiled, gave me that look and said, " Are you bleedin'?" <em>umm, well, I.... damn I am</em>Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-42948252207169580942007-02-25T16:51:00.000-08:002007-02-25T17:21:07.296-08:00I'm a drug addict...I haven't had to work since Thursday night and I won't go back to work until Tuesday morning. I showered earlier and cleaned the bathroom. I think I need a maid. I really hate cleaning the bathroom. I'm the only chick and there are three guys living with me. I like to keep the bathroom <strong>pristine</strong> or <strong>piss free</strong> whichever way sounds better to you. The only mess you'll find being made by me are my juice boxes that I leave around the house and baby powder. I love baby powder. I love the smell of babies. Clean just bathed babies, thus my love for the smell of baby powder. Somedays though, I get a little carried away. <br /><br />There was one time when I had a job interview. I had little notice so I jumped in the shower, squirted powder everywhere and left the house. I caught a glimpse of my hair in the mirror and it looked okay. I never gave thought to much else. When I arrived at the interview I was bombarded with questions about drug use. I thought it was a little weird because I had never done drugs. I sat at this round table and these people were glaring at me and finally to end the interview they told me that they drug tested so this place was certainly not for me.<br />I left the room and went outside into the waiting room in shock. One of the interviewers came out and told me that he too had a drug problem at one time and he had gotten the help he needed. He hoped I found someone to help me. I still didn't get it. I got in the car, shocked, stunned, teary eyed and looked in the rear view mirror. Right then and there I peed myself. I swear!! I peed my pants. My nostrils were covered in white powder. I assume that after I dried off and powder puffed myself, the excess powder went up my nose and clung to the little hair in my nostrils. They thought I was a big druggie when in fact I was a clean teen. <br /><br />I always check my nose now for powder. It happens a lot and I wonder about all the times when I didn't notice there was powder there. One of my friends has always said this of me, "You can dress her up but you can't take her anywhere."<br /><br />It ain't easy being me...........Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-197783615627182452007-02-25T07:47:00.000-08:002007-02-25T07:59:26.857-08:00Fat Bastard + Herpes Hotel = FirecrotchI swear, I'm too fascinated with Hollyweird. I need to find a hobby, pick my nose or at least do something productive. I cannot stop watching <a href="http://www.tmz.com/videos/paris_hilton_videos">this video by Herpes Hotel and Fat Bastard.</a><br /><br />I'm a Lindsey fan. I love her big time. However, if you show your hoo hoo to all the guys in Hollywood, you know damn well you are going to be mocked. I sometimes smell like diarrhea too. I've always got the squirts. I don't understand why Fat Bastard has a problem with it. Growing up we had a saying that went something like this, "Some ass on you, know you can't shit." If you see Fat Bastard from the back, you can tell he spends a lot of time on the toilet. So, if I was him, I would not be making fun of anyones diarrhea. As for the Herpes Hotel, well, you do not have blue eyes. Watch Law and Order CI and you'll know why I mock.Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-35040947775810124052007-02-25T07:23:00.000-08:002007-02-25T07:30:04.539-08:00Religion<strong>Wife:</strong> I think I'm gonna look into Kabbalah. I need a little zen in my life.<br /><strong>Husband:</strong> No fucking way. That is the shit Madonna is into. If she believes in it, you know it has to be wrong. I'd rather you read about Scientology.<br /><strong>Wife:</strong> They believe Tom Cruise is the next Messiah. <br /><br />Eyes are rolled, middle fuck you fingers are placed at the back of throat while gagging ensues.<br /><br />..... End of discussionWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-6311560393165476552007-02-20T17:07:00.000-08:002007-02-20T17:25:27.065-08:00Hubby, hubby where for art thou?<a href="http://i17.tinypic.com/2hq4c4k.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px;" src="http://i17.tinypic.com/2hq4c4k.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />I'm really hating being alone at night. I miss my husband. He called earlier. -sigh- I still get shivers when I hear his voice. I'm such a sucker. Geezus!<br /><br /><strong>Note:</strong> I've received a lot of e-mails asking why doesn't my husband post since this is his blog as well. He's busy is the only answer I can give right now. By the time he gets home, it's snuggle love kissy kissy time. Do not disturb!!Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-56656084350372859292007-02-17T16:52:00.000-08:002007-02-17T17:11:07.180-08:00BoredomHubby is at work. It's Saturday night and I think I might be getting the squirts. Oh lordy!!! I'm working tomorrow and our computer system is going to be down which is just peachy. I get to have people bitch at me all day long. <br /><br />I really hate customer service. People are assholes. My Christmas was ruined because I had to work the whole time and every single stinkin' day I had people yelling, bitching, throwing tantrums and being mean to me for no reason. I swear if I wasn't such a nice person, I'd have cut their throats and ate lunch on their spleen. Bloody bitches! I hate people! I hate my job. <br /><br />At first I really hated the fact that I was going to have to earn commission which means I had to sell, sell, sell sell, sell and well, sell. I didn't want to sell people something overpriced when it was cheaper in the next store. We have items for 40 bucks, the next store sells the same thing for 2 dollars. I just couldn't do it. Now, I'm rethinking having a conscience. These people treat me like shit. Don't they know I'd be rich and famous if I wanted to be? They treat me like scum of the earth and I allow them too because it's my job. Fuck them. I have had enough. Every single person that walks into my store will get played. <br /><br />Then again, I feel bad, not everyone is evil. How will I know? hmm, maybe I'll have to pray each night after work and ask for God's forgiveness. Maybe I'll give God my commission if the person was nice. That sounds like a good idea, right? Right?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><em><br />...........Get well <a href="http://www.muchmusic.com/news/story.asp?id=18867">Sarah!!</a> I love yah girl</em>Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-47710298708996194222007-02-17T12:57:00.000-08:002007-02-17T12:58:33.528-08:00Hubby is sickand I'm annoyed. Want to come over to my house for dinner. Can you imagine how much fun we'll have?Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-2207756707908722622007-02-15T20:34:00.000-08:002007-02-15T20:44:14.371-08:00He's sweetI had to work tonight. Blah!!! Hubby was out shopping and running errands. He showed up at my job and stayed for the rest of my shift. He kept me company because I had to work by myself in the mall. I hate being by myself in the mall at night. He even helped out and packed all the products away and even counted both the cashes for me. What a sweetheart!!! I've been so pissy all week and I know he has wanted to strangle me. I'm PMSing and I am not a ray of sunshine by any means. Sometimes, I think my husband deserves an award. Other times an <a href="http://www.answers.com/enema&r=67">enema</a>, but mostly an award!!!<br /><br />Now someone feed me chocolate or die a horrible death!Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-64223958085420930942007-02-13T16:37:00.000-08:002007-02-13T01:40:58.407-08:00I admit, I was a wee bit jealousLast night the hubby and I were watching tv and in one of the scenes there was a woman scantily clad wearing a feather boa. My husband made this gutteral moan/squeak when he saw her and I swear my world came to an end. I sat there frozen in the chair, crying inside, jealous, upset, ashamed and picking apart my own appearance. What did he see in her? Wasn't I pretty enough? Didn't he think I was sexy? Was all his kind words nothing but lies?<br /><br />Brokenhearted, I sat there thinking how bad he must feel when I ooooooouh and aweeeeeeee about <a href="http://silentbobspeaks.com/">Kevin</a> and I vow to myself that I never ever ever never ever ever comment on how cute Kevin is, how funny he is etc etc ever again.<br /><br />Finally, after about 10 minutes of sulking, I tell him that I felt bad and I'm sorry for saying some other guy was hot in front of him and I tell him I don't want to know if he thinks a girl is pretty or sexy or whatever.<br /><br />My husband laughs at me. He points and laughs at me. Can you imagine? When he saw the feather boa, he thought it was a furry white dog. I had not heard him say, "Oh a little dog." My heart was pounding in my ears okay, it was an honest mistake. <br /><br />Actually, I had heard him say it, I was just so insecure I made up a whole new scenario in my little pea brain. I can't believe I do that to myself. <em>Stupid, stupid girl!</em>Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-37516580055362323402007-02-13T01:34:00.000-08:002007-02-13T01:33:16.461-08:00MasturbatingMy husband and his baby brother were conversing yesterday. Hubby was telling him about his new love for tools and the brother was telling him that he never thought that the day would ever happen when he would be that excited over tools.<br /><br />Hubby: I don't <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masturbation">masturbate</a> anymore, I Mastercraft.Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-63536978735769580622007-02-13T01:26:00.000-08:002007-02-11T15:52:56.940-08:00I love being all girl gross<em>"Taste it, taste the boogah flavor." - Chris Rock in <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0261392/">Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back</a></em><br /><br />While computer geeking this lovely morning, the urge to sneeze is just too overwhelming and two humgo sneezes from the depts of depravity discharge from my nose and mouth covering my computer screen. <br /><br />Ooops, I did it again.<br /><br />I think it's time to go get a cloth. EwwwwwwwwwwwweeeWifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-75347665226606141482007-02-11T15:51:00.000-08:002007-02-10T11:10:04.673-08:00Girl Pants<strong>Wife:</strong> I did something really stupid today. I wanted to tell you but I can't remember it right now.<br /><strong>Husband:</strong> Was wearing those pants part of the equation?Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445241015499283719.post-12286479291704226512007-02-10T07:46:00.000-08:002007-02-10T07:45:49.295-08:00Oh SnapHubby goes into work this afternoon and will be gone all night. I'm not sure what I'll do with my time. I feel so lost. At least I have a new episode of <a href="http://supernatural.warnerbros.com/">Supernatural </a>to keep me company for at least an hour. Maybe I'll pick my nose for the remainder. It's going to take a while to get back into some type of a routine. I'm off work until Tuesday afternoon this week. It's my three day weekend and while I do enjoy the three days of bliss, I want to whine just a little because hubby isn't with me. I have to find something to do. We have been joined at the hip since we met. Even at his last job, I was lucky enough to be close by and work with him at times. This new job is private and I can't be there for most of it unless he is in the field. If I'm at work, I might see him and we might be able to take our breaks together.<br /><br />We are the couple that would make you sick to your stomach. I don't like holding hands and getting kissy kissy in public however, we spend all our time together. We like going on road trips, watching movies, hanging out and just gabbing away. People hate us or think we are cute. Others just roll their eyes because if you want one of us, you'll get two of us. It's two for the price of one. You'll at least be entertained. That to me is a bonus!<br /><br />more later when I'm depressed and have no chocolate to eat because I'm poor....Wifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17475521456128456010noreply@blogger.com